Baby Furniture

I have decided that the manufacturers of baby furniture are discriminating of pregnant women.  They expect us to be able to single-handedly assemble these "simple" furniture items with a belly that gets in the way and with directions and pictures that don't really make a lot of sense to someone who is exhausted and suffering from pregnancy brain.  Clearly the companies are run by men who have no idea how difficult it is to do normally simple things with a big middle.  

I got my pack n' play/bassinet today and in my attempt to put it together I first read the instructions, 3 times since I have had problems focusing.  Then I decided I probably understood as well as I was going to so I started attempting the assembly.  It took me 30 minutes just to get the pack n' play portion to be upright and sturdy.  During this time I almost fell in 3 times, I realize I am short but that was ridiculous.  Then it was time to assemble the bassinet portion.  I will not go into detail but wow did that take a long time.  I am clearly not smart enough to attempt that sort of thing on my own.

Dog Eats Toe, Man Says Saves Life

This just in: a man in Michigan got so hammered, he passed out and his dog ate his big toe.  The kicker...he couldn't be happier about it.  Apparently he had undiagnosed Type 2 Diabetes...not because he didn't know there was something wrong, he says his toe had been infected for awhile, but because he didn't want to go to the doctor.  I can relate to not wanting to go to the doctor.  I hate doctors too, but if my toe is turning green, or purple, or black, or whatever you better be sure I am gonna get my butt to the doctor.  Well, all I can say is I sure hope the dog is ok.  
Also, how on earth did he stay passed out through Fido chewing off his toe?  My philosophy...his wife, who is a nurse btw go figure, stole a pretty heavy duty sedative and put it in his margarita.  Then smeared some meat product on his toe and said, "Ok, Fido.  Look I got you a treat!"  End of story.  Good job nurse lady wife.  You finally got him to go to the doctor.  Too bad Fido had to suffer in the process.

Speidi

I know how hurt we all are to hear of the demise of Spiedi.  If you don't know who they are, you must have been living under a rock for the last 5 years and you can go back under your rock now.  I just have one thing to say on the matter of Speidi's pending divorce.  We all knew you were only together for the show, but couldn't you have waited for at least a little longer before you guys split?  At least to give us an idea the show wasn't all made up?  I mean really.  Although if I were Heidi, I wouldn't have wanted to spend another minute with evil spawn either.  Actually scratch that...I wouldn't have dated/lived with/married him in the first place.  My advice for Heidi Montag...go back in for plastic surgery but this time take out the boobs, try to get your old nose back, and try to go back to pre-Spencer Heidi.  Look at it this way, no one will expect it or recognize you.  Then take the money you got from "The Hills" and help your parentals out and move back to Colorado.  It's the last thing people will expect from you.